FUCK

Girls

So men have repressed women throughout most of history, yada yada yada. Of course it's all true. We're greedy bastards that demand (on average) 32 more cents for every dollar. It depends what study you look at as to just how greedy we are, but I think everyone agrees that men have a history of keeping women in the place that we've built for them (the kitchen). We've even managed to convince some that that's where they actually belong. And if you think you aren't one of those then just consider what you wore to go out last Friday (or Tuesday if you're cool). It may not have been the sluttiest thing in your closet but I bet you wore things to accentuate your breasts, your ass, and your legs; I'd bet you wore make-up to make your eyelashes look fuller and longer, etc., etc. Who are you trying to please? Yourself? Maybe. But where did those conceptions of beauty come from? Men. It's all part of the "place" we've put you in and that you willingly buy into. Actually, that not what this is all about. My point is actually that women have long developed ways to get revenge.

I was walking down the hallway in Cabel and I noticed that there was a girl, sitting on the floor, wiping her eyes. At first I thought maybe she had just sneezed really bad or she had something in them, but she was wiping them in that delicate way that can only mean that she had been crying. She was talking on the phone. That could only mean so many things, and I was right when I guessed breakup, or post-breakup discussion. I overheard her asking those useless but necessary questions: What can I do? I didn't ask you to do anything that you didn't do for her, and so on. I felt a strong desire to sweep her off her feet and carry her away from there, and an even stronger desire to hurt whomever it was she was talking to. She wasn't even that attractive. Tears have some kind of power over us. You've ingrained into our genes, subtly and maliciously striking back at us for our years of overt occupation. Any man with a conscience cannot help but feel a pull at a woman's tears, and a need to help, whatever the cost. I can't speak for those 45% of us who have no soul - but for the rest, we're helpless.

A word of caution - it's a power not to be overused. Frequent criers are just annoying, and we can tell (eventually - we're pretty dense) when tears are faked and when they're genuine.

Almost Famous

Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.

Well, it was fun.

They make you feel cool. And hey. I met you. You are not cool.

I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.

That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.

I can really see that now.

Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love...and let's face it, you got a big head start.

I'm glad you were home.

I'm always home. I'm uncool.

Me too.

The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool.