November is National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org), and I have been thinking seriously about participating. Basically, the idea is to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. I've thought about participating before, but not seriously. This year, though, I thought - "Hey maybe that would be the push I need. Besides it's only a month!" It'd be worth it just for the ability to print business cards that say: Benjamin Wilkins - Novelist. Assuming one would stretch the project out throughout the month and get some writing in everyday (which is a pretty big assumption) it would come out to under 2,000 words a day - just under 6 pages. That'd be hard, but since the whole point is to just get words on the page (rather than say, good or even coherent words) it doesn't seem too bad.
But after some consideration, I think it would unwise. I really like the idea of getting sponsors to not only contribute to a worthy cause but to add that extra guilty umph to actually finishing. And I'd make myself do it if I thought that there was any way that I could succeed. Sometimes it's good to reach a little. Usually it's good to reach a little. But it's also important not to set impossible goals that you can never meet. School and work eat up my time, and I can't quit those. So what would suffer would be whatever downtime I have - and therefore my sanity - and likely time spent with J and that just wouldn't be wise if I want to keep all ten of my toes (she really doesn't like my toes).
Then again, I always used to talk about how I wanted to be in a job, just for a while, that was so important that it didn't have hours. It was all hours. I wanted to be Josh on the West Wing - killing myself because it was worth killing myself. Is this worth a little sanity? A good novel would be. But I'm not sure that's what would come out, even assuming I got anything out at all. I'm not really a novelist either (see last post). Maybe I could try to put together a graphic novel? Just to finish anything extra - anything that I want to work on, beyond my scholastic writing. That would be a worthy goal.
Ok, so I'll try that. A graphic novella. I think I'll tackle something that's been rattling around in my brain for a while...a fantasy that isn't really a fantasy. It'd be set in an imaginary city roughly during the late renaissance. Or a period of imaginary history in this imaginary world that is similar. And it would be about duels. And war. And love. And death. So, y'know - the good stuff.
More later, if I make any progress. If not, we won't be speaking about it again.
-George
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
O Valencia!
Ladies and Gentlebeans,
Here, now, for your viewing pleasure, a few updates on the Life and Times of Benjamin George Wilkins, Esq. First off, I really love my new program. It has been harder work than I thought it would, but it has completely fulfilled my expectations. I knew it would be difficult and I am glad that it is because it is not hard in the same way that my last program was hard. In a way, Communication was so hard because it was so easy. I could easily get away with doing the bare minimum, because I didn't care really if I was learning anything or not. Somehow though, whenever I do not give my full self to something, I find that even the little that it demands becomes much harder to give. But now, finally, in a creative writing program, I am doing what I love and working hard at it. I've never read so many books so quickly in my life (really I should be reading now - it never stops). Really, though, how many people can say that at least half of their job is reading? Not that I get paid very much for it. Still, being paid at all is pretty amazing. Say what you want about the educational system in this country - I'm getting paid to perfect my particular art. Of course I'm also being paid to tutor and eventually teach. And I still have to take out loans in order to survive, which I'll likely be paying until I'm 85. Still.
In other news - the YA book that I was working on has...well, not exactly died so much as it has been buried alive. School is too much, and it was already feeling like I digging trenches in a downpour trying to get it down on paper. I think that I will turn it into a comic, though when I'll have the time, I can't say. Maybe Christmas, maybe next summer. The whole idea started visually for me, so maybe it should stay that way. For whatever reason writing comics is never quite as daunting as writing a book. I think it honestly has to do with my lack of abilities in formal description. When I write nonfiction, description is certainly an element, but I usually tackle that sort of thing in my own voice, rather in an omniscient narrator's. And in a graphic novel script, one just has to write for the artist, not for the eventual audience. As long as I can get the image across to him/her then that is enough. There's no pressure to actually paint the picture myself. Does that mean that comic writing requires less craft and I'm just coping out? Possibly, but I don't think so. I think it requires a different skill set that I have more practice using.
Speaking of comics - Jack and I have taken up "Pilgrim" again. After the summer before last, when we really sat down and wrote it, we haven't made much progress. Partly this is because we were busy and partly it was because our Illustrator was busier still. We had to part ways, eventually. I think we parted amicably, and I hope that he feels the same. Anyway, Jack and I are meeting regularly (online) to edit the script we have. It's taking a little longer than I thought it would, but I think after one more session we'll have it done. Then we plan on sending it off to anyone who will consider a script without art. When that fails we'll try very hard to find an artist. I have one in mind, but I know she's very busy. We'll see. I still like the script though, and that's a very positive sign.
Oh, here's something for you geeks in the audience. At the National Book Festival a few weeks ago I was able to hear Neil Gaiman read, and get him to sign three of his books for me. It was...pretty freaking awesome. The most amazing person I know (J) held my place in the signing line while I sat comfy in the reading tent and listened to the man read from The Graveyard Book. Because of this we were in the first 50 or so people to get books signed and were able to get 3 signed apiece. He seemed very nice and I told him about Pilgrim. His assistant liked the title and when I mentioned that we only needed an Artist, he suggested that I "go where artists hang out." That looks like a sort of snotty, dismissive thing to say in print, but I assure you, he said it politely and with a smile on his face, and I have no doubt that he meant it as casual good advice. Of course, as J said afterwards, "Now [I] have to get it published." If only so I can send him a copy.
Well, I think that's all for now. I need to get back to my reading. On the top of the list is The Woman Warrior by Maxine Hong Kingston, for my Recent American Nonfiction class. It seems good so far, though so far isn't very much. But then again, I tend to like everything. Some more, some less, but there really are few things that I've read that I could honestly say that I didn't like. O Pioneers comes to mind. Although I might not have finished it. I can't remember. Also, still reading The Graveyard Book when I can. And I'm listening to the 11th of the Wheel of Time series. I have found that I enjoy that kind of fantasy much more when I listen. Robert Jordan may have been one of the better writers in the genre, but frankly, that says bad things about the genre. He was, of course, no Tolkien. Whatever the Wheel of Time is though, it has gotten me back in a Fantasy kind of mood. I might tackle some more fantastical writing again - though I think it, too, will be in comic form.
Yours,
Benjamin George Wilkins
PS O Valencia! is from The Decemberists' song of course. I hope to see them in November and so have been listening more and more.
Here, now, for your viewing pleasure, a few updates on the Life and Times of Benjamin George Wilkins, Esq. First off, I really love my new program. It has been harder work than I thought it would, but it has completely fulfilled my expectations. I knew it would be difficult and I am glad that it is because it is not hard in the same way that my last program was hard. In a way, Communication was so hard because it was so easy. I could easily get away with doing the bare minimum, because I didn't care really if I was learning anything or not. Somehow though, whenever I do not give my full self to something, I find that even the little that it demands becomes much harder to give. But now, finally, in a creative writing program, I am doing what I love and working hard at it. I've never read so many books so quickly in my life (really I should be reading now - it never stops). Really, though, how many people can say that at least half of their job is reading? Not that I get paid very much for it. Still, being paid at all is pretty amazing. Say what you want about the educational system in this country - I'm getting paid to perfect my particular art. Of course I'm also being paid to tutor and eventually teach. And I still have to take out loans in order to survive, which I'll likely be paying until I'm 85. Still.
In other news - the YA book that I was working on has...well, not exactly died so much as it has been buried alive. School is too much, and it was already feeling like I digging trenches in a downpour trying to get it down on paper. I think that I will turn it into a comic, though when I'll have the time, I can't say. Maybe Christmas, maybe next summer. The whole idea started visually for me, so maybe it should stay that way. For whatever reason writing comics is never quite as daunting as writing a book. I think it honestly has to do with my lack of abilities in formal description. When I write nonfiction, description is certainly an element, but I usually tackle that sort of thing in my own voice, rather in an omniscient narrator's. And in a graphic novel script, one just has to write for the artist, not for the eventual audience. As long as I can get the image across to him/her then that is enough. There's no pressure to actually paint the picture myself. Does that mean that comic writing requires less craft and I'm just coping out? Possibly, but I don't think so. I think it requires a different skill set that I have more practice using.
Speaking of comics - Jack and I have taken up "Pilgrim" again. After the summer before last, when we really sat down and wrote it, we haven't made much progress. Partly this is because we were busy and partly it was because our Illustrator was busier still. We had to part ways, eventually. I think we parted amicably, and I hope that he feels the same. Anyway, Jack and I are meeting regularly (online) to edit the script we have. It's taking a little longer than I thought it would, but I think after one more session we'll have it done. Then we plan on sending it off to anyone who will consider a script without art. When that fails we'll try very hard to find an artist. I have one in mind, but I know she's very busy. We'll see. I still like the script though, and that's a very positive sign.
Oh, here's something for you geeks in the audience. At the National Book Festival a few weeks ago I was able to hear Neil Gaiman read, and get him to sign three of his books for me. It was...pretty freaking awesome. The most amazing person I know (J) held my place in the signing line while I sat comfy in the reading tent and listened to the man read from The Graveyard Book. Because of this we were in the first 50 or so people to get books signed and were able to get 3 signed apiece. He seemed very nice and I told him about Pilgrim. His assistant liked the title and when I mentioned that we only needed an Artist, he suggested that I "go where artists hang out." That looks like a sort of snotty, dismissive thing to say in print, but I assure you, he said it politely and with a smile on his face, and I have no doubt that he meant it as casual good advice. Of course, as J said afterwards, "Now [I] have to get it published." If only so I can send him a copy.
Well, I think that's all for now. I need to get back to my reading. On the top of the list is The Woman Warrior by Maxine Hong Kingston, for my Recent American Nonfiction class. It seems good so far, though so far isn't very much. But then again, I tend to like everything. Some more, some less, but there really are few things that I've read that I could honestly say that I didn't like. O Pioneers comes to mind. Although I might not have finished it. I can't remember. Also, still reading The Graveyard Book when I can. And I'm listening to the 11th of the Wheel of Time series. I have found that I enjoy that kind of fantasy much more when I listen. Robert Jordan may have been one of the better writers in the genre, but frankly, that says bad things about the genre. He was, of course, no Tolkien. Whatever the Wheel of Time is though, it has gotten me back in a Fantasy kind of mood. I might tackle some more fantastical writing again - though I think it, too, will be in comic form.
Yours,
Benjamin George Wilkins
PS O Valencia! is from The Decemberists' song of course. I hope to see them in November and so have been listening more and more.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
No offense to John McCain...
No offense, John McCain, but I'm starting to hate you. Don't worry, I wasn't going to vote for you anyway, but of all the republican candidates I wasn't going to vote for, you used to be my favorite. I liked that despite some of your more conservative tendencies you have been someone who at least seems to want to make politics better in this country. Even though I disagree with about 80% of your positions, I have always felt that your motives were mostly pure. In other words, I have always thought of you as a Statesman rather than politician.
Now I hate you. But it's not you. It's me.
I foolishly joined a graduate program that turned out to be basically everything I despise about modern education - a program that takes serious social problems, political issues, or just simple genuine conversation between two people and crushes them with the groaning weight of statistics. And now, for my political communication class, I've elected to do a presentation on your relation to the religious right. This seems like it would be an interesting topic. I love politics, and I am fascinated (horrified might be the more operative word most of the time) by its interplay with religion. So I should have enjoyed this chance to study it more closely.
But no. This program has killed all enjoyment and because I have to do something which I can't seem to make myself do, I now hate everything about it. Which means you too. No offense.
****
On another lighter, and completely unrelated note, I have taken up a diet of...coffee. Seriously, as much as I love beer (and those of you who know me, know how much I love beer) and all other things alcoholic, I think that I love coffee more. Or at least equally. And I love the effects of caffeine more than I love the effects of alcohol. Speaking of, I think the next pot has finished and I need to go inject it directly into my bloodstream.
Now I hate you. But it's not you. It's me.
I foolishly joined a graduate program that turned out to be basically everything I despise about modern education - a program that takes serious social problems, political issues, or just simple genuine conversation between two people and crushes them with the groaning weight of statistics. And now, for my political communication class, I've elected to do a presentation on your relation to the religious right. This seems like it would be an interesting topic. I love politics, and I am fascinated (horrified might be the more operative word most of the time) by its interplay with religion. So I should have enjoyed this chance to study it more closely.
But no. This program has killed all enjoyment and because I have to do something which I can't seem to make myself do, I now hate everything about it. Which means you too. No offense.
****
On another lighter, and completely unrelated note, I have taken up a diet of...coffee. Seriously, as much as I love beer (and those of you who know me, know how much I love beer) and all other things alcoholic, I think that I love coffee more. Or at least equally. And I love the effects of caffeine more than I love the effects of alcohol. Speaking of, I think the next pot has finished and I need to go inject it directly into my bloodstream.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Flying Ships and Children's Books
In honor of my acceptance into an MFA program for next fall*, I have made a number of writing related vows, one of which is to actually update this blog as frequently as I can. Lately, I've been feeling like a writer in want only, since I haven't actually finished anything since the essays that I wrote specifically for those applications. Partly, I think, it is because I am simply out of practice, or rather, that I have never had the practice in the first place. The less I write, the harder it is to make myself write without those pesky but oh-so-useful deadlines. The more I write, the more I want to do it.
In light of that, I've decided to work on a Young Adult fiction story that has been playing in the background on the movie screen of my brain for a while now. It first started just as an image, a picture of a ship, something from the Age of Sail - a period that I've always found extremely fascinating - flying through the air. I just closed my eyes one day, and there it was. The image has haunted me - I could, and still can see it so clearly. If I were a painter rather than a writer, I would simply put it on canvas. As it is, I have to let it germinate for a bit so that I can find a way of squeezing it into a story - or building a story around the image as the case may be.
Personally, I think that YA fiction is where some of the best stories have been written. Like comics, there are fewer rules and more freedom to write whatever imaginative story comes to you. Of course, you trade this for a lack of mainstream acceptance (especially in the case of comics). It's not that people won't accept and read your book, but they aren't very likely to treat it as "serious." Still, who cares? I'm not sure why I've never really thought about writing something like this before. I know that I'd be better at it than I would ever be at writing an adult fiction novel (though I think I'll still tackle the occasional short story). For a long time, I've wanted to be "great" and that has kept me from doing a lot of writing that I otherwise would have done. I wanted to be the next Dostoevsky (but seriously, let's face it, there will never be another Dostoevsky) or Faulkner, but I was ignoring the "greats" that made me want to tell stories in the first place. C.S. Lewis, Tolkien (not that LOtR is specifically YA fiction, but come on, most of us read it when we were 15), Lloyd Alexander (more for Westmark than Prydain, personally), Madeleine L'Engle, or even Robert Louis Stevenson. Stories by these authors are for "children" but they have had greater influence on my life than most books I've read. They taught me to love imagination and adventure, to believe in worlds outside and higher than my own, and in virtues higher and greater than self preservation.
To be honest, I'm a bit afraid of it, just as I would be of any major undertaking - its as hard a market as any other in the book world. And then there's the old fear - am I good enough? I can't write as well as these people. But that kind of thinking just keeps from doing anything. Who cares if its not as good, maybe it'll still be good, and maybe some kid somewhere will read it and be inspired.
So, to make a long story short - I'm slowly writing a YA book (I hope to have a rough draft by the end of the summer) and, yes, it'll have flying ships in it.
*Running tally - Accepted: George Mason University, Eastern Washington University
Rejected: University of Iowa, Notre Dame, Penn State, Hollins University
Have Yet To Hear From: University of North Carolina-Wilmington, University of San Francisco
In light of that, I've decided to work on a Young Adult fiction story that has been playing in the background on the movie screen of my brain for a while now. It first started just as an image, a picture of a ship, something from the Age of Sail - a period that I've always found extremely fascinating - flying through the air. I just closed my eyes one day, and there it was. The image has haunted me - I could, and still can see it so clearly. If I were a painter rather than a writer, I would simply put it on canvas. As it is, I have to let it germinate for a bit so that I can find a way of squeezing it into a story - or building a story around the image as the case may be.
Personally, I think that YA fiction is where some of the best stories have been written. Like comics, there are fewer rules and more freedom to write whatever imaginative story comes to you. Of course, you trade this for a lack of mainstream acceptance (especially in the case of comics). It's not that people won't accept and read your book, but they aren't very likely to treat it as "serious." Still, who cares? I'm not sure why I've never really thought about writing something like this before. I know that I'd be better at it than I would ever be at writing an adult fiction novel (though I think I'll still tackle the occasional short story). For a long time, I've wanted to be "great" and that has kept me from doing a lot of writing that I otherwise would have done. I wanted to be the next Dostoevsky (but seriously, let's face it, there will never be another Dostoevsky) or Faulkner, but I was ignoring the "greats" that made me want to tell stories in the first place. C.S. Lewis, Tolkien (not that LOtR is specifically YA fiction, but come on, most of us read it when we were 15), Lloyd Alexander (more for Westmark than Prydain, personally), Madeleine L'Engle, or even Robert Louis Stevenson. Stories by these authors are for "children" but they have had greater influence on my life than most books I've read. They taught me to love imagination and adventure, to believe in worlds outside and higher than my own, and in virtues higher and greater than self preservation.
To be honest, I'm a bit afraid of it, just as I would be of any major undertaking - its as hard a market as any other in the book world. And then there's the old fear - am I good enough? I can't write as well as these people. But that kind of thinking just keeps from doing anything. Who cares if its not as good, maybe it'll still be good, and maybe some kid somewhere will read it and be inspired.
So, to make a long story short - I'm slowly writing a YA book (I hope to have a rough draft by the end of the summer) and, yes, it'll have flying ships in it.
*Running tally - Accepted: George Mason University, Eastern Washington University
Rejected: University of Iowa, Notre Dame, Penn State, Hollins University
Have Yet To Hear From: University of North Carolina-Wilmington, University of San Francisco
Monday, March 24, 2008
The Perfect Pint
I'm killing off an old blog - really it was a new blog to replace this one. I am forever starting such new projects with slightly variant themes that usually end up sounding exactly the same. Likely this blog too will go through mulitiple name/format changes, but I've decided that I want the archives of my old posts, if only so I can go back and learn what I think about things. Similarly, I don't want to lose the 4 or so posts from The Perfect Pint even though my hatred of waste pushes me to pull up the stakes from its internet plot. So here they are, all in one go:
Monday, October 29, 2007
Pete McCarthy
Ok, so this isn't exactly breaking news, seeing as how it happened 3 years ago, but I just found out so it's breaking news to me. About a month ago JV and I were in Asheville, NC for a concert/getaway weekend. Wherever I go, I like to check out any local used bookstores, mostly because I have an uncontrollable urge to spend my hard earned money on books that I will probably never get around to reading. It's kind of like how, in Conspiracy Theory, Mel Gibson's character has to go out and buy The Catcher in the Rye in order to feel normal and not kill people. So, yes, I have to buy books or I might kill people. And used books tend to not upset my wallet quite as much - unfortunately he's very sensitive at the moment. Anyway, we were looking through this place and I had picked out a few used cds, but hadn't found much in the way of interesting books so I went to find where JV was hiding - in the travel book section of course. I found her poring over a guide to Scotland, wondering if things had really changed that much in the Highlands during the last 10 years. I wouldn't know from experience, but my guess is that things haven't changed too drastically in the highlands for a lot longer than 10 years - I mean, there's not a lot of innovation in Tweed, Sheep, or Scotch. To keep me from annoying her ("I can't find anything, what are you doing, oh Scotland that's cool are we going to go? No? Just you? Fine! I don't need you anyway, I'm going on a trip by myself to...uh...uh...Bulgaria! Ha! Bulgaria's going to be much more fun that dreary old Scotland, with it's beautiful scenery, and english speaking natives, and great whiskey, and sweaters, and loch ness monsters, and kilts, which reminds me, isn't Braveheart a fucking great movie? I mean seriously, Gibson's best, by far. I'm not a racist but I do love me some Mel Gibson movies...etc.") she pointed me in the direction of the Literary Travel section. Literary Travel is just like normal Travel except more interesting and far less useful. Picking I think at random but more probably with that freakish psychic ability that mothers teach only their daughters, she handed me Pete McCarthy's The Road to McCarthy: Around the World In Search of Ireland. Turns out the book was his second in the same vein, the first having a snappier title: McCarthy's Bar: Or Never Pass a Bar With Your Name On It or somesuch. As most of you probably know, I am enamoured of all things Irish. Well, maybe not all things (Darby O'Gill and the Little People made me forever terrified of Leprechauns, and Banshees) - but certain aspects of the culture or at least the perceived culture really appeal to me. JV went to Ireland about a year ago (shit, maybe more now) and told me how it's "very Ben Wilkins." Everyone drinks of course, but though there are plenty of your crappy American-esque bars about, the pubs tend to be a more relaxed atmosphere - a place where it's neither uncomfortable nor unusual to find yourself in a conversation with a complete stranger about history, politics, or all things literary. Plus, I really dig Irish folk and even play a little Bodhran from time to time. So - I like Irishy things, but I didn't expect too much of the book, mostly because I'd never heard of the author. But it was fantastically entertaining. It essentially consisted of Pete wandering around the world, meeting people and having conversations with them, while hunting down some historical Irish conspirators and some of his possible descendants. It was written comically, yet poignantly, with occasional observations that really struck to the core of human life - what makes us different and what makes us the same. It wasn't brilliant. But it was good, and it inspired me. This is the kind of writing that I would like to do, and after reading just a few chapters I started up this blog, and more importantly renewed my vow to keep a small notebook with me at all times to note down observations that strike me.It didn't take me long to finish the book. I searched for Pete online, hoping to find where he was off to now, but as it turns out he's passed away. This actually affected me much more than I would have expected. There's something so personal about his style of writing - it was like I had gotten to know him, and gone to all those places he did with him. I was sad to find out that he was gone. It wasn't like losing a friend exactly, more like losing a pen-pal.So. It was a sad day, three years ago, when we lost Mr. McCarthy, though I'm only noticing now. At least he left us a bit of his experiences before he took off - you should all check out both of his books. And I think that, thanks to Pete, I might do a little literary travel writing of my own. I can't travel but I could more thoroughly explore where I am now. So check back to find some interesting but fairly useless descriptions of Herndon and the greater DC area.Thanks Pete.
Posted by Benjamin Wilkins at 10:23 AM 0 comments
Monday, October 22, 2007
Human Echolocation
Apparently this kid has been famous for this for a while, but I just saw this last night when I was bored and scanning Current.com (more on that later). It's pretty incredible - so much so that I would normally be inclined to think it's a hoax, but there are enough sources that I think he's the real thing. I couldn't find the original video I watched on current, but here's one I found on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpBm4KoWsrYCheck it out. He's like Daredevil. Seriously.
Posted by Benjamin Wilkins at 1:13 PM 0 comments
Labels: ben underwood, blind, daredevil, human echolocation, incredible, senses
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Turtle Power
There's something about the DC Metro area that encourages exploration. Often spontaneous "there's a road, slam on breaks and turn down it, I don't care if we might flip" kind of exploration. I guess it's not exactly a mystery that does it - it's the mindnumbing traffic. If you sit in it for too long something happens to your brain where any road, other than the road you're on, suddenly becomes a wormhole that can take you directly to your destination. It doesn't matter that it is actually in the exact wrong direction, or that you tried that particular road last week and it ended up adding an extra half hour to your trip. While you're staring at the flat ass of the Prius directly in front of you, moving an average of .1 miles per hour, nothing matters except moving, turning, doing anything different. If no road is available the median starts looking incredible attractive. "I've got a truck," you think, "trucks were made to drive on the median - what civilized country would pass a law against that?"So, this feeling struck me unusually quickly as I left for work the other day. I was sitting at the edge of my apartment complex, about to make my first turn, when traffic going my way suddenly peaked and there didn't seem to be a break for, well at least a few seconds, but it was a few seconds too many. I found my arms working of their own volition and the car turning away from my usual route and in a northerly, opposite from way I needed to go, sort of direction. "It's ok," I thought, "I might know a shortcut." The biggest problem with taking "shortcuts" around here is that everyone has tried them once or twice and they all have a devoted followed who will swear against all evidence that they are the faster way to go. Which, of course, means that they are usually as crowded as the main roads, only they don't have the advantage of more than a single lane. This is, however, the sort of logical thinking that hours of fighting traffic quickly destroys, followed quickly by your will to live. Talk about your enhanced interrogation techniques - just put a suspected terrorist in a car and make him drive from Fredericksburg to DC on 95 several times a day and he'll tell you everything he knows.Suffice to say that my shortcut didn't really turn out. It was, in fact, a longcut. Still, it was at least a nice change of scenery. It's reassuring at times to know that all of Northern Virginia hasn't been paved over and become a disgustingly suburban sprawl of asphalt and shopping centers. There are a few spots of fields, although I doubt, judging from the number of For Sale/Development signs, that they will last very long. As I was driving, I was passing one such field, so shrouded in fog that I could have been in Ireland, when a giant sign materialized in front of me announcing the fields imminent demise. "5 Awesome! New Homes!" it practically shouted at me. I wonder who thought that Awesome New Homes! wasn't good enough and thought: "Nope, that's too dull. We need something with pizzaz. Something that'll really attract attention. Oh I've got it. More exclamation points! Awsome! !!!!!! "What, are they really advertising homes for people raised on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, now?" I mused, which of course led me to sing the song. Out loud. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, heroes in a half shell, TURTLE POWER! And then the rap from Turtles II. T-U-R-T-L-E Power! Ninja Ninja Ninja Rap!Then it hit me, like a kick to the face. People raised on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were buying houses. They were having families and looking to buy awesome! new homes. Sigh. And what was I doing as a member of this mutant ninja generation? At least I know what I'll be doing tonight: renting all three turtles movies and eating pizza. Cowabunga!
Posted by Benjamin Wilkins at 8:04 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
No, Seriously.
Ok, I thought I'd start this baby off with bang - and by bang I of course mean a run of the mill introduction explaining how this blog is different from others, and how it should be taken seriously. Don't worry, I won't take too long, but I think it's important to establish a few boundaries before we get going.In this blog, unlike many others, I plan on offering an array of services, bringing my considerable knowledge and discernment to bear on any number of issues - both contemporary and historic - and to do this in an amusing, insightful way that leaves one refreshed, thinking, "Ah. So the internet isn't just for pornography and lovesick teenagers after all." Yes, like most blogs I'll be posting on what's going on in my life, but, luckily, my life isn't all that interesting so there'll be plenty of time for me to bring important news to your attention, or to review new books, cds, movies, etc. Some of you may have read earlier blogs of my college exploits, most of them revolving around drunken carousing and may suspect that this will be more of the same. I assure you this isn't the case. At the risk of alienating most of my potential audience I proclaim that this attempt at serial non-fiction will be different: it'll be in good taste. So, Ladies and Gentlebeans, without further ado, the first post:"Hey, Nice Dick!"As I was walking around George Mason University the other day, where I am currently, but perhaps not for long, a grad student, a car slowed beside me and a kid in the backseat leaned half out of his window towards me. I imagine he would have leaned out further but had trouble getting his giant head through the childproof window. Anyway, as the car slowed I looked up and he looked at me and shouted, "Hey, Nice Dick." Like an idiot, my first reaction was to look down at my crotch as if to say, "Oh. Is my penis showing?" As if it were somehow possible for me to have not only forgotten to zip up after a trip to the bathroom but that I had walked around outside for most of the day with my penis hanging out of pants and hadn't noticed. As the car sped away to the muted sounds of laughter, I still haven't quite digested what has occurred. I think I should be angry and so I try, even knowing the car is long gone, to think of some kind of a snappy comeback that I could shout if ever this happens again. How should I know? Maybe some fraternity at GMU does this all the time - driving around and complementing the packages of other men. Maybe, I think, I should be flattered even. After all, he did say, "Nice dick." He could have just as easily insulted it. "Hey, you're dick is a jerk. And...and...and...it's got a stupid haircut." And what would I have said to that?Ten minutes later, sitting in my car on my way home a smile spreads across my face. I've got it. "Oh yeah? Nice vagina." That'll teach him to be snarky with me.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Pete McCarthy
Ok, so this isn't exactly breaking news, seeing as how it happened 3 years ago, but I just found out so it's breaking news to me. About a month ago JV and I were in Asheville, NC for a concert/getaway weekend. Wherever I go, I like to check out any local used bookstores, mostly because I have an uncontrollable urge to spend my hard earned money on books that I will probably never get around to reading. It's kind of like how, in Conspiracy Theory, Mel Gibson's character has to go out and buy The Catcher in the Rye in order to feel normal and not kill people. So, yes, I have to buy books or I might kill people. And used books tend to not upset my wallet quite as much - unfortunately he's very sensitive at the moment. Anyway, we were looking through this place and I had picked out a few used cds, but hadn't found much in the way of interesting books so I went to find where JV was hiding - in the travel book section of course. I found her poring over a guide to Scotland, wondering if things had really changed that much in the Highlands during the last 10 years. I wouldn't know from experience, but my guess is that things haven't changed too drastically in the highlands for a lot longer than 10 years - I mean, there's not a lot of innovation in Tweed, Sheep, or Scotch. To keep me from annoying her ("I can't find anything, what are you doing, oh Scotland that's cool are we going to go? No? Just you? Fine! I don't need you anyway, I'm going on a trip by myself to...uh...uh...Bulgaria! Ha! Bulgaria's going to be much more fun that dreary old Scotland, with it's beautiful scenery, and english speaking natives, and great whiskey, and sweaters, and loch ness monsters, and kilts, which reminds me, isn't Braveheart a fucking great movie? I mean seriously, Gibson's best, by far. I'm not a racist but I do love me some Mel Gibson movies...etc.") she pointed me in the direction of the Literary Travel section. Literary Travel is just like normal Travel except more interesting and far less useful. Picking I think at random but more probably with that freakish psychic ability that mothers teach only their daughters, she handed me Pete McCarthy's The Road to McCarthy: Around the World In Search of Ireland. Turns out the book was his second in the same vein, the first having a snappier title: McCarthy's Bar: Or Never Pass a Bar With Your Name On It or somesuch. As most of you probably know, I am enamoured of all things Irish. Well, maybe not all things (Darby O'Gill and the Little People made me forever terrified of Leprechauns, and Banshees) - but certain aspects of the culture or at least the perceived culture really appeal to me. JV went to Ireland about a year ago (shit, maybe more now) and told me how it's "very Ben Wilkins." Everyone drinks of course, but though there are plenty of your crappy American-esque bars about, the pubs tend to be a more relaxed atmosphere - a place where it's neither uncomfortable nor unusual to find yourself in a conversation with a complete stranger about history, politics, or all things literary. Plus, I really dig Irish folk and even play a little Bodhran from time to time. So - I like Irishy things, but I didn't expect too much of the book, mostly because I'd never heard of the author. But it was fantastically entertaining. It essentially consisted of Pete wandering around the world, meeting people and having conversations with them, while hunting down some historical Irish conspirators and some of his possible descendants. It was written comically, yet poignantly, with occasional observations that really struck to the core of human life - what makes us different and what makes us the same. It wasn't brilliant. But it was good, and it inspired me. This is the kind of writing that I would like to do, and after reading just a few chapters I started up this blog, and more importantly renewed my vow to keep a small notebook with me at all times to note down observations that strike me.It didn't take me long to finish the book. I searched for Pete online, hoping to find where he was off to now, but as it turns out he's passed away. This actually affected me much more than I would have expected. There's something so personal about his style of writing - it was like I had gotten to know him, and gone to all those places he did with him. I was sad to find out that he was gone. It wasn't like losing a friend exactly, more like losing a pen-pal.So. It was a sad day, three years ago, when we lost Mr. McCarthy, though I'm only noticing now. At least he left us a bit of his experiences before he took off - you should all check out both of his books. And I think that, thanks to Pete, I might do a little literary travel writing of my own. I can't travel but I could more thoroughly explore where I am now. So check back to find some interesting but fairly useless descriptions of Herndon and the greater DC area.Thanks Pete.
Posted by Benjamin Wilkins at 10:23 AM 0 comments
Monday, October 22, 2007
Human Echolocation
Apparently this kid has been famous for this for a while, but I just saw this last night when I was bored and scanning Current.com (more on that later). It's pretty incredible - so much so that I would normally be inclined to think it's a hoax, but there are enough sources that I think he's the real thing. I couldn't find the original video I watched on current, but here's one I found on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpBm4KoWsrYCheck it out. He's like Daredevil. Seriously.
Posted by Benjamin Wilkins at 1:13 PM 0 comments
Labels: ben underwood, blind, daredevil, human echolocation, incredible, senses
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Turtle Power
There's something about the DC Metro area that encourages exploration. Often spontaneous "there's a road, slam on breaks and turn down it, I don't care if we might flip" kind of exploration. I guess it's not exactly a mystery that does it - it's the mindnumbing traffic. If you sit in it for too long something happens to your brain where any road, other than the road you're on, suddenly becomes a wormhole that can take you directly to your destination. It doesn't matter that it is actually in the exact wrong direction, or that you tried that particular road last week and it ended up adding an extra half hour to your trip. While you're staring at the flat ass of the Prius directly in front of you, moving an average of .1 miles per hour, nothing matters except moving, turning, doing anything different. If no road is available the median starts looking incredible attractive. "I've got a truck," you think, "trucks were made to drive on the median - what civilized country would pass a law against that?"So, this feeling struck me unusually quickly as I left for work the other day. I was sitting at the edge of my apartment complex, about to make my first turn, when traffic going my way suddenly peaked and there didn't seem to be a break for, well at least a few seconds, but it was a few seconds too many. I found my arms working of their own volition and the car turning away from my usual route and in a northerly, opposite from way I needed to go, sort of direction. "It's ok," I thought, "I might know a shortcut." The biggest problem with taking "shortcuts" around here is that everyone has tried them once or twice and they all have a devoted followed who will swear against all evidence that they are the faster way to go. Which, of course, means that they are usually as crowded as the main roads, only they don't have the advantage of more than a single lane. This is, however, the sort of logical thinking that hours of fighting traffic quickly destroys, followed quickly by your will to live. Talk about your enhanced interrogation techniques - just put a suspected terrorist in a car and make him drive from Fredericksburg to DC on 95 several times a day and he'll tell you everything he knows.Suffice to say that my shortcut didn't really turn out. It was, in fact, a longcut. Still, it was at least a nice change of scenery. It's reassuring at times to know that all of Northern Virginia hasn't been paved over and become a disgustingly suburban sprawl of asphalt and shopping centers. There are a few spots of fields, although I doubt, judging from the number of For Sale/Development signs, that they will last very long. As I was driving, I was passing one such field, so shrouded in fog that I could have been in Ireland, when a giant sign materialized in front of me announcing the fields imminent demise. "5 Awesome! New Homes!" it practically shouted at me. I wonder who thought that Awesome New Homes! wasn't good enough and thought: "Nope, that's too dull. We need something with pizzaz. Something that'll really attract attention. Oh I've got it. More exclamation points! Awsome! !!!!!! "What, are they really advertising homes for people raised on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, now?" I mused, which of course led me to sing the song. Out loud. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, heroes in a half shell, TURTLE POWER! And then the rap from Turtles II. T-U-R-T-L-E Power! Ninja Ninja Ninja Rap!Then it hit me, like a kick to the face. People raised on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were buying houses. They were having families and looking to buy awesome! new homes. Sigh. And what was I doing as a member of this mutant ninja generation? At least I know what I'll be doing tonight: renting all three turtles movies and eating pizza. Cowabunga!
Posted by Benjamin Wilkins at 8:04 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
No, Seriously.
Ok, I thought I'd start this baby off with bang - and by bang I of course mean a run of the mill introduction explaining how this blog is different from others, and how it should be taken seriously. Don't worry, I won't take too long, but I think it's important to establish a few boundaries before we get going.In this blog, unlike many others, I plan on offering an array of services, bringing my considerable knowledge and discernment to bear on any number of issues - both contemporary and historic - and to do this in an amusing, insightful way that leaves one refreshed, thinking, "Ah. So the internet isn't just for pornography and lovesick teenagers after all." Yes, like most blogs I'll be posting on what's going on in my life, but, luckily, my life isn't all that interesting so there'll be plenty of time for me to bring important news to your attention, or to review new books, cds, movies, etc. Some of you may have read earlier blogs of my college exploits, most of them revolving around drunken carousing and may suspect that this will be more of the same. I assure you this isn't the case. At the risk of alienating most of my potential audience I proclaim that this attempt at serial non-fiction will be different: it'll be in good taste. So, Ladies and Gentlebeans, without further ado, the first post:"Hey, Nice Dick!"As I was walking around George Mason University the other day, where I am currently, but perhaps not for long, a grad student, a car slowed beside me and a kid in the backseat leaned half out of his window towards me. I imagine he would have leaned out further but had trouble getting his giant head through the childproof window. Anyway, as the car slowed I looked up and he looked at me and shouted, "Hey, Nice Dick." Like an idiot, my first reaction was to look down at my crotch as if to say, "Oh. Is my penis showing?" As if it were somehow possible for me to have not only forgotten to zip up after a trip to the bathroom but that I had walked around outside for most of the day with my penis hanging out of pants and hadn't noticed. As the car sped away to the muted sounds of laughter, I still haven't quite digested what has occurred. I think I should be angry and so I try, even knowing the car is long gone, to think of some kind of a snappy comeback that I could shout if ever this happens again. How should I know? Maybe some fraternity at GMU does this all the time - driving around and complementing the packages of other men. Maybe, I think, I should be flattered even. After all, he did say, "Nice dick." He could have just as easily insulted it. "Hey, you're dick is a jerk. And...and...and...it's got a stupid haircut." And what would I have said to that?Ten minutes later, sitting in my car on my way home a smile spreads across my face. I've got it. "Oh yeah? Nice vagina." That'll teach him to be snarky with me.
Superheroes and Cubicle Cursing
This is a great Michael Chabon article from The New Yorker on the nature of Unitardian superhero costumes and why they appeal to us:
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/03/10/080310fa_fact_chabon?currentPage=1
Its worth the read for all of you aspiring superheroes, like myself, who have occasionally donned the cape just to see what it might feel like.
Now for something else entirely. I'm sitting at work in my cubicle (doing the grunt work of media research for Communication professor at George Mason University), generally slacking off even more than usual because my boss is out of town for the week*, when I hear the angry and intensely punctuated whispering that means Tamara, my fellow researcher but not fellow student, has arrived. Unlike myself, she actually has a specific cubicle to call her own, while I have to fight for a new one each day with the other student workers - hoping I can arrive early enough to get the one where my boss can't constantly look over my shoulder. Tamara's seniority as a seasoned "coder" guarantees here this, as well as a salary from the research institution instead of tuition credits from school.
All day she mutters to herself. Although sometimes I think she's on the phone, but its very hard to tell the difference. We document the news, so its not as crazy as it sounds - she could very well be simply commenting on what she's watching. I do it sometimes, especially when I'm logging jokes - which means covering shows like The Daily Show, or Letterman. So I laugh when they say something funny. Most of the comments I get floating over the grey walls of my cubicle are more like: "Yeah right, fucker." "You dumb son of a bitch" "Who the hell do you think you are?" "Oh that's just stupid. Fuck you."
Or just more angry whispering that is just barely audible and incredibly annoying as somehow its pitched at the right vibration to penetrate my headphones and be distracting. I can't wait to get out of here.
*One thing that's nice about not really having a readership - it makes it much less likely that your boss is going to stumble onto your blog. The fewer people that read my blog, the fewer edits I have to make when I make fun of them.
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/03/10/080310fa_fact_chabon?currentPage=1
Its worth the read for all of you aspiring superheroes, like myself, who have occasionally donned the cape just to see what it might feel like.
Now for something else entirely. I'm sitting at work in my cubicle (doing the grunt work of media research for Communication professor at George Mason University), generally slacking off even more than usual because my boss is out of town for the week*, when I hear the angry and intensely punctuated whispering that means Tamara, my fellow researcher but not fellow student, has arrived. Unlike myself, she actually has a specific cubicle to call her own, while I have to fight for a new one each day with the other student workers - hoping I can arrive early enough to get the one where my boss can't constantly look over my shoulder. Tamara's seniority as a seasoned "coder" guarantees here this, as well as a salary from the research institution instead of tuition credits from school.
All day she mutters to herself. Although sometimes I think she's on the phone, but its very hard to tell the difference. We document the news, so its not as crazy as it sounds - she could very well be simply commenting on what she's watching. I do it sometimes, especially when I'm logging jokes - which means covering shows like The Daily Show, or Letterman. So I laugh when they say something funny. Most of the comments I get floating over the grey walls of my cubicle are more like: "Yeah right, fucker." "You dumb son of a bitch" "Who the hell do you think you are?" "Oh that's just stupid. Fuck you."
Or just more angry whispering that is just barely audible and incredibly annoying as somehow its pitched at the right vibration to penetrate my headphones and be distracting. I can't wait to get out of here.
*One thing that's nice about not really having a readership - it makes it much less likely that your boss is going to stumble onto your blog. The fewer people that read my blog, the fewer edits I have to make when I make fun of them.
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